My last blog post here was the beginning of 2014. 2012-2014 were years that were faced with a lot of challenges and a lot of victories. There are scars that hold a million untold stories. Why fixate on the past when you can live in the present and hope for the future? Your mind is an amazing thing. When faced with tumultuous times, it knows to block out painful memories. People will often ask if I remember this or that, and my answer is, 'No.' My mind literally blocked the bad memories. Why waste precious brain matter with bad memories? Chemo already killed enough brain cells, therefore there is a permanent sign in my brain that says, 'Good memories always.' To be honest, I was quite worried that chemo did a number on my brain. I couldn't remember so many things. Was it aging or did I really have chemo brain?
Recently at work (stick with me here, it relates to my previous story) my position was outsourced, and so I was moved to an area that I supported over ten years ago. When I first started training I did not remember a thing. Ten years is a long time to be gone from something. Panic set in. Oh dear, I can't remember anything? Nothing?
Instead of sitting in a moment of panic and in a sea of despair, I focused on one thing - learning.
I read more documents between July and August than most people read in years. I asked questions. I studied how everything worked. A month or two, that's all I needed.
I was reflecting on this the other day: I was in a rut with my old position. I needed a challenge, but I was comfortable. The outsourcing forced me out of this comfort level. It threw me into a position where I was going to either rise above everything, or fail miserably. If anyone knows me, I don't take to failure well, and I don't give up. Briana means 'The Strong' and I live by that mantra every day.
As I was reflecting, I thought, this job change, it pushed me into an uncomfortable position, but it excited me. I actually looked forward to working and learning. I looked forward to seeing problems and solving them. In fact, this job change was exactly what I needed to prove to myself that I am still fantastic at what I do.
There was a moment in all of the fog where I thought to myself, are my brain cells shot? I was honestly worried.
The answer was, 'No.' They were bored. Yes, bored.
The new position makes me excited to go to work every day. I am slammed busy, but I'm making a difference. I'm seeing progress every day. It's like biking uphill and thinking, 'Oh my God, it keeps going and going and going...' but then you stop and look back and you realize how far you have come and how much you have accomplished. That's how it is. Every day I go to work and I love it. I have to MAKE myself stop working at the end of the day. I get into my ADHD hyperfocus mode and I tell myself, just try this, or let's try this instead, and I keep trying to figure out my problem until it's getting late and I need to just stop.
All, in all, I'm elated that I'm working in this group again. My work is appreciated, I'm appreciated and I enjoy the daily challenges. Everyone should wish to enjoy their job as much as I do.