Monday, October 31, 2016

Home sick...

I'm sitting here reflecting while spa music sad piano tunes play from my iMac's speakers. My dad goes home tomorrow, and I'm somber. I knew he couldn't stay here because my mom and brother miss him too, and he has a home back in Michigan that needs attention, but having him here was a blessing.

My dad came at a time when I was working crazy hours, the house was a wreck, we had no routines, and we were flying by the seat of our pants. My dad came and restored order. He restored routine. He helped with the dishes and laundry which are necessary evils and normally put off in this house. He was always there to talk to. He told me stories of his childhood. We went shopping many times together, always enjoying each other's company. I think most of all, he was happy. 

Everything was so stressful lately that we were coping and everyone was on edge. My dad came and brought this warmth, sunshine, and happiness. Even though he was here almost a month, he never overstayed his welcome. He never got on anyone's nerves, and I never felt like he was the third wheel or out of place. 

Sometimes I see parents living with their kids that are in other nationalities, and I see what a close and cohesive unit they are. I never understood it before as that is not something our culture is brought up with. I admit I wondered if it would be annoying to always have your parents with you. Our American culture tends to make fun about in-laws and how people can't stand them. Thankfully that isn't a problem with our family. After having my dad here a month, I can now understand how helpful it is to have a parent be with you. My children LOVED having my dad here. Justin and my dad bonded over how to yo-yo, which was so amazing to see. 

They have voiced to me multiple times how sad they are that he's leaving. I have not mentioned that he's leaving, but they have brought it up themselves because they love having him here so much. He wakes with them early in the morning, makes them breakfast, gets their water bottles and lunches together, makes sure they are on time with everything they need every morning. They are spoiled with love. Dad even broke Justin of his habit of leaving every light on in the morning! 

Part of me would love to have him visit more often, and part of me is sad because it makes me miss my parents very much. I know Thanksgiving is only a few weeks away, and I will see them soon, but it is so hard not to live by my family. I get very bitter about it. I sometimes even get resentful. 

There are many people who don't get along with their family. I can see them moving away and never having a second thought about it. I'm very close to my family and living so far away from them tears me apart. I don't know what the solution is, or if there even is one. January will be nine years in Texas, by ourselves. I want to be able to visit my family a few times a week, have weekly dinner with them and spend quality family time. Limiting it to summers, Thanksgiving, Christmas and a few times where I'm able to fly them down appeases me but ideally isn't what I want. I want my kids to grow up and know their family like I knew mine. Yes, Michigan is cold, but that's where my family is. Where my family is, is where I call home, and I'm a long way from home...

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