Gosh, the last time I truly wrote was last June. That makes me really sad. I used to give this blog my all.
Back in June I was excited that I had lost 17 lbs and had been working on losing weight, eating healthy and been exercising.
In August we went to Michigan to see the family. We miss our families so much since living in Texas. We had a wonderful time.
At the very beginning of September I was in the shower and happened to feel a lump in my breast. I had a drop in my stomach and had it checked out the next day. The gyno said to not worry about it. It was most likely a fibroid but sent me down to get a mammogram anyhow. I popped back and forth between having a mammogram and ultrasound and I knew something was wrong.
I was asked to come to the consult room and was told if it wasn't cancer, they would have it retested. I was told I had cancer, at age 34, at an age where you don't even get a routine mammogram. All I could think of was, 'This can NOT be happening to me.'
Fast forward to today -
I've gone through 14 rounds of an experimental drug called MM121 that is supposed to attack cancer cells.
12 rounds of Taxol (chemo)
4 rounds of A/C which made me so sick I had to take leave from work.
This week I have a biopsy and on the 19th I have a double mastectomy.
I will tell you the first thing I thought about when I got home was - NOOO. I screamed so loud the dog thought I was going crazy on him and had no idea what to think. All I could think of was I have to be here for my boys. I did not want to leave them in their growing years with no mother. My mother is so special to me that I need to be that for my kids.
The last few days Joey has been wanting me to tell him stories. I've told him stories about how he knocked down the Christmas tree when he was small, and a bunch of other funny things.
Tonight, as Joey was in bed, I got the book I made from 2006 using my blog entries, and we read the entry from March 5, 2006. I would read a paragraph and he would read a paragraph. Little does he know, he's learning to read advanced words and he's having fun learning about what it was like when he was 2 years old.
That realization has made me realize that I haven't been keeping up this blog for at least two-three years now. That makes me so sad. I need to stop being so perfect and feel the need to put every photo up. I need to write even if it is just a lot of words and no photos.
Lately Joey is working hard in the third grade. He got a rude awakening this year and found out he has three different teachers and at least an hour of homework each night.
Justin is doing well. We started him on ADHD meds over the summer because last year in preschool was extremely chaotic. The meds have helped tremendously and we've switched them a few times - mostly because they have caused him to stop eating. The med we just tried today seems to work at school with his focus and hyperactivity and he has an appetite!
I will try to pull up the blog nightly and update, even with the small things.