Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Remembering this day 5 years ago....

The 8th of the month marked the 5 year anniversary of Grandpa's death. It's unreal to believe I've actually been blogging for 5 years this year and that was the entry I wrote up when Grandpa died. It's hard to believe five years have passed since he's died. It seems like yesterday he was here with us.

**This is my favorite photo of grandpa. Back when I was in photography class I had to take a photo without flash and I took this one of Grandpa with my camera on a tripod and he never even realized I was taking this photo. It is grandpa warming his feet by the fire (his feet were always cold) and enjoying a magazine. 

People say that 'time heals all wounds'. I don't think that is accurate. I think time makes it easier for us to cope with our feelings. I think we are still raw and always will be raw. I think time hardens us. It allows us to learn how to turn off feelings. It allows us to not cry every time a memory is triggered of that person. It makes us realize that that person will never share another new memory with us and it is that realization that makes us break down. Once that realization is accepted and dealt with, we harden and it makes it easier to live with those happy memories of the person we loved that has passed without crying or dying inside.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of grandpa. He is triggered at random moments of my day. I still get tears in my eyes to know he never met Justin, that he never saw Joey grow up and he'll never be there to see another one of my scrapbook pages. He was such a huge supporter of my passion to document my family's lives through scrapbooking. Once he died, scrapbooking just wasn't the same for me. When I scrapbook I miss him.

Do you know how some people see something you made or did and say, 'It's nice'? Grandpa was never like that. I miss him reading every word on my pages and looking intently at the pictures. I miss him saying how he loves how I did the page. I miss his genuine love for my work. Or the questions he would ask me or how he would laugh at certain memories. He would show me how much he loved me through his appreciation through scrapbooking. I hope that one day my children will appreciate my scrapbooking as much as grandpa did.

Grandpa, I miss you every day I'm alive and I'm not with you. Though you were never my biological grandpa you blessed my life by being in it. I'm a better person because of you.

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