Monday, March 15, 2010

How short time really is...

There were two instances tonight that remind me just how short time really is.

Tonight I was singing the 'Arnie the Armadillo' song to Joey before bed. It's a bedtime tradition and Arnie has his own song and I sing it and it makes Joey very happy. Tonight while I was singing Joey was mouthing something the entire time I was singing. I had thoughts like, 'This is so rude, why is he talking over me', and 'Is he singing along with me? It doesn't look like it.'

At the end of the song he looks at me and says, '22 seconds mom'. I guess he wanted to see how long it took to sing the song.

Then I had the sad realization to myself that sometimes I am tired and I RUSH this song. I didn't rush it tonight and it only took 22 seconds. I felt like a terrible mom. I can't even spend 22 seconds at night with my child singing his favorite song? I reached out and hugged him. We cuddle each night, read stories and talk but to feel that I rush that special time made me so sad. Joey didn't even mean to impact me in that way - I know he was just counting seconds because he was curious. The impact it had on me was much more profound.

First background. Back in the day we had very close neighbors - Heather and Matt who were siblings and James and Rachael - who were siblings. They both lived across the street from me. I was very close to Rachael and Heather growing up as they were both my age. Matt was younger and was very close to my younger brother Greg.

Tonight I was talking to Matt and told him I found our other neighbor Rachael on facebook. I told him that I was telling Rachael about his sister Heather and how she had MS and was in a care facility. I asked him if that was still true because it had been awhile since I talked to Matt about Heather.

He told me that Heather passed away in Nov 08 of MS. He said he told my brother but obviously no one told me.

Heather was a year older than me. She was engaged shortly after high school and was on cloud 9. She was diagnosed shortly after and I remember thinking to myself, why didn't her fiance stick by her through it all? I couldn't understand that. But what I couldn't understand was how she went downhill so quickly. She was MY age. We played together. We talked boys together.

I was with her to help her when her dad died. Her dad was a big teddy bear. He was so nice that it was so tragic when he passed, especially for me since I was young at the time.

Heather, Rachael and I went to a talent show together. Back in the day I sang ALL the time. Rachael convinced Heather and I to sing at a talent show to Whitney Houston together. It was awful and we got $2 each for entering (ha!) and since I've had nightmares about singing in public but I have that memory of her! She was brave enough to do that with me.

My first memory of riding a horse was her. She didn't burp her horse enough and she had him cantering and he let go of the gas he was holding onto and the saddle flipped over and I was actually dragging on the ground and almost got stepped on by her horse. Ok, so it wasn't the best memory ever but she was a friend of mine. It wasn't her fault that the horse's saddle did that!

I was very close to Rachael and was crushed when she moved away from me. When Rachael moved away Heather helped me through it.

We talked boys together. We hung out at my house and swam in my pond. We dreamed about having boyfriends, getting married and eventually having kids. The dream most girls dream from the time they are young.

Gosh my dream went just like that. I had boyfriends, went to college and met Joe. We married and had kids. It was just the fairytale girls dream of. Two beautiful boys, a nice house and a loving family.

Then I think of my friend Heather. How time really is so short.

Gosh today really is a day of reflection.

Today on the radio I heard a new song by Kris Allen (one of the winner's of last season's American Idol).

I'll include the lyrics at the end of this post but it goes like this: If your life ended today, would you have said you love someone enough?

I reflected on this and I would like to think that I live my life with an open heart. I openly love. I tell people I love them all the time. I give lots of hugs. I call my family and tell them I love them.

The day before Joe's Grandpa died we were at his house. He went to bed early and I went into his room and gave him a hug and a kiss and I told him I loved him. I had been scrapbooking bits and pieces of his life and gave him lots of hugs. When he died a piece of me died too. I was never close to my grandfather like I was with Joe's. Joe's grandpa and I connected like I was his grandchild and he loved me like I was one. I thought about it and I never was very very upset and emotional about his death and I think it was because I always let him know I loved him and how much I appreciated him. Trust me, I still cry time to time when I think about him but I didn't feel like I ever held back how much love was there.

So if you got this far down in this entry then think to yourself, have you said I love you enough? Have you done those things that you want to do for your loved ones?

Kris Allen - Live like you were Dying


Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say "I love you" enough
'til it's too late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you
What would you wish you would've done?

Yeah... we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' that
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86,400 seconds in a day too
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye?
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution
There'll no one on the line

Yeah... we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' that
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying [x2]

We only got
86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

You never know a good thing 'til it's gone
You never see a crash 'til it's head on
All those people right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing 'til it's gone

Yeah... we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' that
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got
86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

Oh like we're dying, oh, like we're dying [x2]

We only got
Eight-six four hundred seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
Gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying







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