When I first started blogging I really did not think I would have done it for this long - I mean it's going to be 4 years in March of next year. Wowsers! I've done over 800 posts - 843 to be exact.
I really enjoy blogging.
- I like the aspect that my friends and family and, in some cases, total strangers, can get to know me through my words and photos.
- I like having an online diary that I can express my thoughts and emotions in. With that often comes peace from getting it out of my system and sometimes even kind words and suggestions from friends.
- My blog has become invaluable for my scrapbooking. How many times have you taken a photo and said to yourself, 'I will never forget what I was doing when I took that?' I've done it too. Three years pass and you think to yourself, 'What the heck was I doing in this photo!!' In comes my blog. I just go back to the date that the photo was taken (as long as it was within the 2005 - current time frame) and yay - I have a full writeup of not only where I was, but funny things said at that time. It's like I have permission to blog and then brain dump and forget some things because I can just read about them later. How cool!
- I love the fact that I can use blurb to print my yearly entries into a bound book (that looks great by the way!!) and that way my family can have a printed copy of what went on in their lives. I was talking to a friend recently and told her Justin's ENTIRE LIFE has been blogged, even when I found out I was pregnant with him. How crazy is that?
Blogging is almost in a way, egotistical. You normally write about yourself and your family. For this reason a lot of people won't blog because they feel their life and what they have to say isn't interesting. Some of my friends that have the MOST interesting life (Caroline!) say this. It is so not true... It's actually kinda fun to watch and experience someone's life from their eyes. I enjoy reading other people's blogs and looking at their photos. It allows me to get a new perspective on topics and allows me to escape my everyday life to leap into theirs for a moment.
SO anyhow, if I haven't talked you into a blog by now, hopefully you'll come back and keep reading mine! :)
Today I wanted to also write a bit about me (see, there's the egotistical part again coming out!).
Recently I've been very, let's find the word, nostalgic. It's been 12 years since I've been graduated from high school and I find myself now and then going upstairs and reading through some of my old letters, looking at old photos, just reliving old memories. It's fun in a way to be transported back and to remember things long forgotten. I even found some of the letters Joe and I wrote back and forth to each other in class, where he admitted he loved me, and how we both could tell we loved each other (ie he got nervous around me a lot and I got the butterflies!).
That got me to thinking that I am really a 'romantic' at heart. I always have been. Most people know me as very outgoing and very LOUD (I blame it on my hearing loss but I'm sure it's just my personality!). But deep down I love romantic things. I love watching romantic movies because I long to be the 'girl' in the movie. I love being surprised - especially with a night out that's already planned or even a surprise of flowers. Those things just get me really deep down.
I love lighthouses and palm trees - both things I associate with being totally romantic. Both are usually in warm, tropical places by the ocean. I love the ocean, I love the sound of it. I love the warmth of it. I love lighthouses and how they are almost always looking out over a large body of water, keeping the important job of keeping ships safe. My room is full of lighthouses and I keep a necklace with a palm tree hanging from my neck.
Deep down I like to be quiet. Yes I know I'm loud by nature but really I do like to be quiet. I like me time. I like to hole up in a room, and write or reminisce. Today I was going through some old poems I wrote in high school. I had a stack of them. I only wrote when I was upset, rarely when I was happy and in love so almost every poem is about heart break.
I didn't have a computer then so I would just sit in my room and write, and I'm sure all the while I was listening to music, because that is the other thing I feel deep down is music. I can hear it and remember things from years ago. It's like being nostaligic every day. :)
Here's a poem I wrote back then...again about heart break. I have no clue how old I was. I'm imagining 15 years old. Anyhow, I'll share it with you, but keep in mind I wrote this YEARS ago...
One day in December
we decided to go steady,
I thought our relationship
would last longer than many.
You said you loved me
I believed it too,
then suddenly feelings changed
instead of one we became two.
I love you like no other
you should see the pain inside of me
But as much hurt as I feel inside
only a little I let you see.
When I see you tomorrow
What will I say?
Will it be a relationship
where you just look and walk away?
We said we'd be friends
Is that how it will be,
or will it be the end of love
where you become worst enemies?
Why do relationships end?
It makes me wonder why.
All the hurt inside
makes you want to break down and cry.
I have to let go sometime,
how soon will it be?
It's just not easy to let go of someone
who feels like a part of me.
---- Briana (written around 1995?)
So that's how I vented back then, I wrote poems and wrote in my diary. I had a poem or two published in our school's literary journal but I was not known as a poem writer. I just did that in private.
So anyhow, I guess that's my deep down secret I felt like sharing. I think a lot of people who know me don't EVER see this side of me, the vulnerable side. I think a lot of people see the tough, non-emotion side.