I have such good friends. Thank you all for your nice pm's or comments to my post last night. You are all so supportive and caring. I appreciate it so much - words can't express.

It was a hard night for us all. It was hard getting up in the morning and not having Grandpa yell (because he was hard of hearing) GOOD MORNING JOEY to Joey. Grandma had a little bit of a breakdown this morning and I gave her a big hug and let her cry. It's hard for all of us. Grandma is dealing with it by just keeping busy and trying to keep her mind off things. Joey hasn't really realized that Grandpa is not here, which is good for us because it would just make us more sad.

We don't know when the funeral is. Grandma is going to the funeral home with her son at 3pm. It's going to be a sad funeral. Grandpa was in the service and so the military will be there doing their tribute sounds for him. Whenever I hear that at a funeral, I totally lose it and I know I will when they play it.

My eyes have teared up so much they actually burn when I get tears now. It's so sad.

The neighbor next door brought a huge Chinese toss salad over last night. That was so sweet.

We had a HUGE snow storm last night and almost every school in the area is closed today. The neighbor came over and plowed out the driveway. Aunt Jean is bringing us dinner tonight. The support we've been getting from friends and family is amazing.

I love you all for being such good friends. It means so much to me in this sad part of my life. Thank you!!!!

**Warning, this is very long and very sad. I needed to use this blog to write out my feelings about what happened today.

Today already started out bad. I’ve been off work all week because Joey has had some viral infection. We took him to another doctor today to get another opinion and they also said it was viral and told me to keep him home until Monday. Another week off work. I swear they probably think I never work. It’s making me feel so bad. Last Monday I was off for vacation, Tuesday I called in sick, Wednesday I worked, Thursday I worked from home because I was sick and I went in on Friday. Monday I went in and I’ve been home since Tuesday.

Grandma called me today. I thought she was just calling me back because I had called her earlier to tell her about Joey. Her voice was cracking and she said ‘Briana’ and I knew something was wrong. She said Grandpa wouldn’t wake up this morning and she had to call an ambulance to come and get him. They took him to the local hospital, which air lifted him to Saginaw to a larger hospital.

She told me his heart sounded good and they had to give him a breathing tube to help him breathe but the rest of everything was ok. She was waiting for mom to come and get her so they could drive to Saginaw.

I called Joe who told me he was coming home and we were going up north. I packed. I called work and told them I would not be in tomorrow and told them Grandpa was in the hospital. I cleaned and made sure the cats had been fed and the fish had been fed. With as much as I’ve been off work lately, I bet they thought I was making up stuff about all this going on.

Joe got home and we did a few errands before we left. We quickly went to the post office, bank and then to daycare to drop off $50 tip to Dena and a Christmas card and then we went up north.

I tried to call Joe’s mom multiple times but figured she was in the hospital and had her phone off. We were going up to Saginaw to visit Grandpa.

The phone rang. Whoever was on the other line was not there. Not sure who the number was.

Joe and I drove along. We talked about this and that trying to keep our mind off things. We thought Grandpa was ok – after all Grandma said he was doing fine when they sent him to St. Mary’s.

A little past Frankenmuth we got a call. It was Joe’s mom. I answered and figured she was calling from the hospital about Grandpa. What I got was a chocked up, ‘Briana’ and sniffles and I knew Grandpa was gone. She told me that Grandpa had died. The rest was a blur. Joe was yelling at me, asking what was going on. I told him that Grandpa had passed. He pulled over two full lanes of the highway, abruptly stopped the car, and then started hysterically screaming and crying. I started to cry. Joey, who had been sleeping, woke up scared and crying. I tried to console both Joe and Joey. This went on about 15 minutes. I finally convinced Joe to let me drive. I was ok. I was numb. This really didn’t happen.

On the way up north I called Joe’s mom and she wasn’t there.

She called me back about 5 minutes later. I asked if I could help with anything. They said they were on their way back home. She told me that there were in the hospital and he went fast. They were all there with him and a nurse came in and told everyone to leave. They tried to revive him but after 4 heart surgeries, his heart could not make it and he passed away.

It was hard on the way to Grandma’s house. We tried to talk about it and needed to talk about it. We made a few jokes – like, ‘Can you imagine cleaning out the house now?’ because Grandpa was the biggest clutter collector on the earth. We got a good laugh about that. Overall though, we were very sad.

I think some of you may have read, Joe’s grandparents have raised him. Joe’s mom was in a bad relationship and so Grandpa and Grandma took care of Joe from an early age so Grandpa is almost like a dad. He taught Joe a lot of his math skills, how to hunt and just about everything. He was supportive like a father and took me in like a daughter.

When we pulled into the driveway it was really hard. Grandpa liked to feed the deer, and there was his truck, loaded with bread in the back, and Grandpa was no longer around to feed the deer.

Then when we walked in the house we were slapped with 100 things of Grandpa’s laying all over the house. Grandpa will never be back to wear them or use them. Joe started crying again when he got in the house, as did I.

Joe’s mom and Grandma came in shortly after we arrived. Hugs went around. Everyone is numb. We’ve all been crying but we are still numb that anything happened.

Grandma told me the whole story. She said she doesn't even think he was conscious at all today. It was so weird because yesterday they were all talking to him. Today he wasn't conscious at all. I think he was already gone this morning when Grandma tried to wake him up. His body was still functioning but he was gone. Grandma said his eyes were open at the hospital but he never moved them and never reacted to anyone talking to him.

The funeral home gave Uncle Fred a sheet of paper and it said they would do a photo collage as a movie for free with a minimum of 25 photos. We spent most of the evening pouring over photo albums and finding photos of Grandpa. I felt really honored. In photography class I took this photo of Grandpa in his chair warming his feet. He never knew that I was sitting there snapping the photo until I was done with the roll. That photo is my favorite of Grandpa, and everyone who saw it tonight at the house said they absolutely loved that photo of Grandpa. I was touched that I was the one who took it. I was able, as a photographer, to capture the real emotion of Grandpa that day, sitting, warming his toes.

There are a lot of thoughts going though my head. I’m most sad about the fact that I did a special project for Grandma and Grandpa for Christmas. I went to ofoto.com and made Grandma and Grandpa a special photo book. Grandpa’s was one of Joey’s first two years of life, month by month and I took all of the photos I could of Grandpa and put them in this book for him. I spent like 6 hours making it. I had to manually pick out 23 months of photos for this book. I had to write the captions, and spent hours of my time making it. I knew he would love it. Grandpa is so hard to buy for. He absolutely loves my scrapbooks and I knew he would love this. He loves Joey so much that I knew this would be perfect. I ordered it and he won’t even be around to enjoy it. I am so sad that I’m crying. It was the one gift I got for someone this year that I was so excited about giving, and he never got to see it. It upsets me so much.

The other thing we got for Grandpa this year was an electric blanket. I wanted so badly to give it to him early, because he is soooo cold in the evenings. This cold weather is so hard on him and I knew he could use it now, but I knew it was a Christmas gift and that I should wait. Now I’m kicking myself that I didn’t let him use it earlier. Now I don’t know what I’m going to do with an electric blanket. I’m so sad.

I’m most sad about the fact that I think Grandpa was the biggest fan of my scrapbook pages. I always scrapbook up north at Grandpa’s house and when I’m done with a scrapbook page, he always looks at it. He looks over the photos, always reads the journaling and then raves about how much he loves my pages. He gets excited every time I get one done. I almost feel like not scrapbooking now. I know everyone else loves my pages, but Grandpa was the one who really really told me how much he loved them. Now Grandpa is not around to enjoy them.

When we were coming up to the house today, Joey started to say ‘Papa, Papa’ because he loves Grandpa so much. Grandpa and him would sit for hours and play with trains or cars, or Grandpa would read to him. Grandpa was so patient – much more patient that I am. Now Grandpa isn’t here. I’m so sad. I wanted Joey to know who he was and remember him. One of the main reasons we had Joey so early in life was we wanted Grandpa and Grandma to know who their great-grandchildren were. Grandpa was such a big part of Joey’s life.

We all knew this was coming. Grandpa’s health has been deteriorating over the past few years, and mainly over the past few months. We’ve been going up north every weekend, because we wanted to spend as much time as we could with our grandparents while they were on this earth. I can say that I knew Grandpa knew I loved him and I knew he loved me. It’s just so hard to lose someone you love, even if you know it’s going to happen anyhow.

I needed to type all this out. I know the next few days will be very hard. We will be attending the funeral. I honestly can say I’ve been fortunate that I’ve never lost anyone this close to me before. Joe’s uncle passed away 2 years ago very young. Other than that, this is my first real experience with losing someone and I’m not sure how to handle my feelings of grief.

Grandpa was 82. He lived a long life. The last few years of his life were hard, and he said often ‘Getting old is a bitch’. I really miss Grandpa but I’m comforted in the fact that I know he’s not suffering anymore. I know he was afraid of dying and I hope he’s in heaven and has met his father, who was murdered when he was a young child and they are talking about gambling – which his dad was really into.

I feel like my nose and head is full of pressure from choking back tears.

I really really miss Grandpa. I wish I could bring him back. Christmas this year will be different without him.

Grandpa – rest in peace. We all loved you very much and you will be missed. I hope to see you in heaven someday and show you my new scrapbook pages. Please watch over Joey and keep him safe. We love you!

Here are a few photos of Grandpa I dug up where he was playing with Joey. He was such a good Great-Grandpa.

This weekend on Saturday we went to Saginaw to get our family Christmas photos taken (see below). It went well until Joey had a MAJOR meltdown at the end. He was tired and he wanted to play with the train and then didn't and couldn't make up his mind. Joe had to carry him out of the store kicking and screaming. Yes - major meltdown. The photos turned out nice. I'm happy with them for the way Joey was acting anyhow. We went to Sears. It was $10 a sheet if you wanted it same day and I just got one each as 8x10. I asked about their copyright free cd and it was $299 if you didn't purchase at least $150 in print or $199 if you purchase $150 in prints! You have to be kidding me! Kiddie Kandids only wants $75 for 4 prints on the cd. I like how our photos turned out and the photographer was good. I just wish the ones of Joey with the trains were lighter. I had to lighten them up a lot and the blotches are my dirty scanner on the last one. I tried to clean it but I must not have done a good job.

On Sunday Joe got tickets to the Lions game - 50 yard line, only 4 rows up. Of course I ended up going to the game that everyone was rowdy. People were passing signs asking people to fire Millen, who is the president of the Detroit Lions. One guy took the sign and security wanted it. He ran through 5 rows in the stadium before they finally tackled him. They have been showing the 'Fire Millen' highlights on ESPN since Sunday and I just saw them tonight too! The first play was 80 yards rushing for the OPPOSITE team and it was downhill from there. At least the fans were amusing!

Today I was home with Joey - if you see below - he's got some type of viral infection that made his body break out in spot - mostly on his cheeks. Oh, but we got him weighed at the doctors and he's 30 lbs now!

Joey is doing so well now. He can count to 6. We are trying to teach him his colors. Sometimes he has it right on, and other times he just says any color he can think of. Melissa gave us this colors/shapes card game and we use those as flash cards to test him.

Tonight I mailed my 50 or so Christmas cards. I know I had to put about 4 different stacks of envelopes into the mailbox tonight. I love doing Christmas cards!

Monday night I was up late creating my special projects for Grandma and Grandpa and Joe's mom. I can't wait to show them what they are!

This weekend my mom says in Howell they have a train ride at the depot in town that is a Santa train and santa comes on and you get to go on the train for a ride. I think we will see if we can fit that into our schedule. It sounds like a blast!

I think that's about all that is going on for now. I hope Joey gets better soon!

Which one do you like best?

Yes, another one of these I found. Check out what type of mom I am! Yep, I'm all girl but not a pushover. Watch out world!! Briana's in the house! LOL


You're a girl power mommy! You love to be girly,
but you're no pushover. Your kids are learning
that gender differences don't have to mean
gender inequality. You've taken back pink, and
you don't care who knows it!


What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

If you are reading this - you're tagged! Put this on your blog. Carolyn tagged me!

Do you celebrate Christmas? Of course!
What are your favorite "holiday" colors? Red and green.
Favorite Christmas song? Christmas Sarejvo by Trans Siberian Orchestra
Favorite Christmas movie? The Christmas Story - You'll shoot your eye out kid
Favorite Christmas cartoon? Rudolph the red nose reindeer
Real tree or artificial? artificial! Real trees aren't worth the hassle or cost!
Special family traditions? No - just a lot of family parties.
Travel or stay home? Travel
Does Santa wrap presents? My mother and I do!
Do you do an advent calendar? no
Do you send Christmas cards? Store bought or handmade? Christmas
letter? Pictures? Christmas cards - store bought with a handmade Christmas newsletter and family photo.
What do you put in stockings? - little things, cars, candy, etc.
Typical holiday meal? I don't cook. Whatever others serve.
Are you done shopping yet? Have you started? Not done. Maybe 1/2 way?

I haven't had time to post and will catch up later but Joey is sick - again. Some viral infection is what they are telling me. Look at his face. His arms and legs have a few small spots, but his face looks the worst. No fever, he's acting fine. He was a bit tired last night and took a 4 hour nap and then woke up freezing and shivering, but that is the only side effects he has has. I have no clue what it is.